9 Questions To Answer To Identify And Meet Your Needs

If you are not clear about your needs, look at the following statements and see if a pattern emerges that will help you identify your unmet need. There are hundreds of different needs, but there are some common groups.

1. Do you answer ‘yes’ to three or more of these statements?

  • I become tense when someone is late.
  • I become annoyed by others’ sloppy standards.
  • I am a tidy and methodical person.
  • I can get snappy with disorganized people.
  • I like to have possession of the remote control.
    • Possible unmet need: To be right; to be perfect.

2. Do you answer ‘yes’ to three or more of these statements?

  • I’m always exhausted because I tend to rush around helping everyone out.
  • I know instinctively how to make people feel good.
  • I make a big effort to find out what is going on in the lives of friends and family so I can be there for them.
  • I feel outraged and resentful if people don’t appreciate me.
  • I send thoughtful presents and cards to friends and colleagues just to let them know I’m thinking of them.
    • Possible unmet need: To be approved of; to be needed; to be loved; to be cherished; to be liked.

3. Do you answer ‘yes’ to three or more of these statements?

  • When things are going well for me, I literally light up inside.
  • I work very long hours to ensure something is a success.
  • I’d rather die than be a failure.
  • I’m really aware of how friends and colleagues are doing and can be quite competitive.
  • I am great at achieving goals.
  • I have workaholic tendencies – I feel tense inside if I’m not accomplishing what I set out to do.
    • Possible unmet need: To achieve; to be successful; to feel worthwhile; to be accepted.

4. Do you answer ‘yes’ to three or more of these statements?

  • If I’m criticized or misunderstood, I sulk.
  • People say I can be difficult and too emotional, but what’s wrong with that?
  • I know how to make a really big scene if I don’t get what I want.
  • Rules are meant to be broken.
  • I tend to brood a lot about my negative feelings.
    • Possible unmet need: For acclaim; to be special; to be different; to be heard; to be understood.

5. Do you answer ‘yes’ to three or more of these statements?

  • I’m an expert in my area.
  • I love to study something in depth and really get my teeth stuck into it.
  • I am the eternal student.
  • I often lose track of time because I get carried away with what I’m doing.
  • I won’t try something new until I’m confident that I know everything I need to know.
    • Possible unmet need: To be competent; to be the expert; to be capable.

6. Do you answer ‘yes’ to three or more of these statements?

  • Anxiety is my middle name.
  • I worry about everything and everybody.
  • I like having a boss I can respect.
  • I find it difficult to make a decision without asking everyone including my friends, my parents and my colleagues first.
  • It takes me ages to change jobs.
    • Possible unmet need: For security; for safety; for support; for certainty.

7. Do you answer ‘yes’ to three or more of these statements?

  • I get bored easily.
  • I’m curious about stuff.
  • I love travelling and having fabulous holidays.
  • I am all over the place most of the time – people think I’m a bit dizzy.
  • I always feel like I’m missing out on things.
    • Possible unmet need: To be stimulated; to be free; to be satisfied.

8. Do you answer ‘yes’ to three or more of these statements?

  • I like to challenge people. No one could call me a shrinking violet.
  • I tend to have huge temper tantrums.
  • I am independent and don’t like people trying to tie me down.
  • I don’t rely on anyone.
  • I love trying to achieve the impossible.
    • Possible unmet need: To protect yourself; to determine your own course in life.

9. Do you answer ‘yes’ to three or more of these statements?

  • I’m one of life’s peacemakers – I can’t bear a scene.
  • There’s no point dwelling on the negative – is there?
  • I like my home comforts.
  • Most people tend to get too stressed about useless things – what’s the point?
  • I go with the flow.
    • Possible unmet need: For calm; for agreement; for steadiness; for peace.

The problem with our unmet needs is that we assume people know what we need and are in some way choosing to withhold their love, support or praise. That’s not the case – they simply don’t know. (If they do know and they are withholding what you need, you should ask yourself why you are spending time with these people anyway.)


Information Reference
Book: The Big Wake Up Call ~ Author: Suzy Greaves

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