101 Powerful Success Quotes

Success has many meanings – from doing what you love, to following your own path, to excelling in multiple areas of your life, to helping others, and to overcoming obstacles  – success is many things.

Here are 101 quotes that will inspire you to succeed:

1. “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
― Winston S. Churchill

2. “If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut”
― Albert Einstein

3. “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”
― Truman Capote

4. “Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.”
― Steve Maraboli

5. “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. ”
― Walt Disney

6. “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”
― Theodore Roosevelt

7. “We are all failures- at least the best of us are.”
― J.M. Barrie

8. “Forget yesterday – it has already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow – you haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift – today.”
― Steve Maraboli

9. “You’re not obligated to win. You’re obligated to keep trying. To the best you can do everyday.”
― Jason Mraz

10. “Don’t confuse poor decision-making with destiny. Own your mistakes. It’s ok; we all make them. Learn from them so they can empower you!”
― Steve Maraboli

11. “The only time you fail is when you fall down and stay down.”
― Stephen Richards

12. “Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.”
― Joyce Brothers

13. “Failure is a bend in the road, not the end of the road. Learn from failure and keep moving forward.”
― Roy T. Bennett

14. “The good news is that the moment you decide that what you know is more important than what you have been taught to believe, you will have shifted gears in your quest for abundance. Success comes from within, not from without.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

15. “I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.”
― Booker T

16. “The true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from failure.”
― Stephen Richards

17. “Possessions, outward success, publicity, luxury – to me these have always been contemptible. I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best for both the body and the mind.”
― Albert Einstein

18. “Failures are the stairs we climb to reach success.”
― Roy T. Bennett

19. “The harder you fall, the heavier your heart; the heavier your heart, the stronger you climb; the stronger you climb, the higher your pedestal.”
― Criss Jami

20. “If you care about what you do and work hard at it, there isn’t anything you can’t do if you want to.”
― Jim Henson

21. “Don’t blow off another’s candle for it won’t make yours shine brighter.”
― Jaachynma N.E. Agu

22. “You may be the only person left who believes in you, but it’s enough. It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness. Never give up.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich

23. “The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit the bottom.”
― George S. Patton Jr.

24. “Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.”
― Joyce Brothers

25. “If you have a dream, don’t just sit there. Gather courage to believe that you can succeed and leave no stone unturned to make it a reality.”
― Dr Roopleen

26. “Winners are not afraid of losing. But losers are. Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success.”
― Robert T. Kiyosaki

27. “Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the mext moment”
― Oprah Winfrey

28. “There is no failure except in no longer trying.”
― Elbert Hubbard

29. “Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success is in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.”
― Douglas Pagels

30. “A quitter never wins-and-a winner never quits.”
― Napoleon Hill

31. “The world’s greatest achievers have been those who have always stayed focussed on their goals and have been consistent in their efforts.”
― Dr Roopleen

32. “There are no secrets to success: don’t waste time looking for them. Success is the result of perfection, hard work, learning from failure, loyalty to those for whom you work, and persistence.”
― Colin Powell

33. “Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. ”
― John R Wooden

34. “Success is not obtained overnight. It comes in installments; you get a little bit today, a little bit tomorrow until the whole package is given out. The day you procrastinate, you lose that day’s success.”
― Israelmore Ayivor

35. “Who you are tomorrow begins with what you do today.”
― Tim Fargo

36. “If you’re not gonna go all the way, why go at all?”
― Joe Namath

37. “The most important thing is this: to sacrifice what you are now for what you can become tomorrow.”
― Shannon Alder

38. “Whenever I am in a difficult situation where there seems to be no way out, I think about all the times I have been in such situations and say to myself, “I did it before, so I can do it again.”
― Idowu Koyenikan

39. “The roughest roads often lead to the top.”
― Christina Aguilera

40. “You have succeeded in life when all you really WANT is only what you really NEED.”
― Vernon Howard

41. “You make mistakes, mistakes don’t make you”
― Maxwell Maltz

42. “If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.”
― Anna Quindlen

43. “The bottom line is, insults only hurt when they come from someone I respect.”
― Kresley Cole

44. “If you really want the key to success, start by doing the opposite of what everyone else is doing.”
― Brad Szollose

45. “Learn to adapt. Things change, circumstances change. Adjust yourself and your efforts to what it is presented to you so you can respond accordingly. Never see change as a threat, because it can be an opportunity to learn, to grow, evolve and become a better person.”
― Rodolfo Costa

46. “Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying basic fundamentals.”
― E. James Rohn

47. “If you want to give yourself a fair chance to succeed, never expect too much too soon”
― Po Bronson

48. “What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise”
― Oscar Wilde

49. “I cannot say this too strongly: Do not compare yourselves to others. Be true to who you are, and continue to learn with all your might.”
― Daisaku Ikeda

50. “If you don’t know exactly where you’re going, how will you know when you get there?”
― Steve Maraboli

51. “Never feel shame for trying and failing for he who has never failed is he who has never tried.”
― Og Mandino

52. “But if you forgive someone for something they did to you, it doesn’t mean you agree with what they did or believe it was right. Forgiving that person means you have chosen not to dwell on the matter anymore; you have moved on with your life.”
― Idowu Koyenikan

53. “Let your creative and imaginative mind run freely; it will take you places you never dreamed of and provide breakthroughs that others once thought were impossible.”
― Idowu Koyenikan

54. “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. ”
― Will Rodgers

55. “Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be. If we do our best, we are a success.”
― Zig Ziglar

56. “Don’t waste your time hating a failure. Failure is a greater teacher than success. Listen, learn, go on.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés

57. “The difference between greed and ambition is a greedy person desires things he isn’t prepared to work for.”
― Habeeb Akande

58. “Success is doing what you want to do, when you want, where you want, with whom you want, as much as you want.”
― Anthony Robbins

59. “No matter how good you get you can always get better, and that’s the exciting part.”
― Tiger Woods

60. “If you really want to eat, keep climbing. The fruits are on the top of the tree. Stretch your hands and keep stretching them. Success is on the top, keep going.”
― Israelmore Ayivor

61. “Stop just cheering for others who are living their visions. Commit yourself to your own success and follow the steps required to achieve it.”
― Steve Maraboli

62. “If you think someone or something other than yourself is responsible for your happiness or success, I’d guess you’re not that happy or successful.”
― Rob Liano

63. “With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable”
― Thomas Fowell Buxton

64. “There is strange comfort in knowing that no matter what happens today, the Sun will rise again tomorrow.”
― Aaron Lauritsen

65. “The most critical time in any battle is not when I’m fatigued, it’s when I no longer care.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

66. “When God takes out the trash, don’t go digging back through it. Trust Him.”
― Amaka Imani Nkosazana

67. “You have to be uncomfortable in order to be successful, in some ways. If you stay in your comfort zone! You would never do the things that you need to do.”
― Lights Poxlietner

68. “There is no tomorrow and there was no yesterday; if you truly want to accomplish your goals you must engulf yourself in today.”
― Noel DeJesus

69. “Prepare yourself for success. You have to see it coming to get there.”
― Destiny Booze

70. “The number of ways to live in one lifetime is limitless. So why limit yourself?”
― Suzy Kassem

71. “There’s no talent here, this is hard work. This is an obsession. Talent does not exist, we are all equals as human beings. You could be anyone if you put in the time. You will reach the top, and that’s that. I am not talented. I am obsessed.”
― Conor McGregor

72. “You need mountains, long staircases don’t make good hikers.”
― Amit Kalantri,

73. “Just pick a goal and stick to it―no big complicated secret.”
― Richelle Goodrich

74. “Before the fruits of prosperity can come, the storms of life need to first bring the required rains of testing, which mixes with the seeds of wisdom to produce a mature harvest.”
― Lincoln Patz

75. “A person who makes few mistakes makes little progress.”
― Bryant McGill

76. “While others were dreaming about it – I was getting it done.”
― Nathan W. Morris

77. “Every beginner possesses a great potential to be an expert in his or her chosen field.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

78. “If you have to ask if you’ve done enough, you haven’t. Each day brings with it the opportunity to do more than you did yesterday.”
― Steve Maraboli

79. “From this point forward, you don’t even know how to quit in life.”
~ Aaron Lauritsen

80. “The universe doesn’t give you what you want in your mind; it gives you what you demand with your actions.”
― Steve Maraboli

81. “No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who’s ALWAYS had EVERYTHING work out for them with ZERO struggle? They usually have the depth of a puddle. Or they don’t exist.”
― Chris Hardwick

82. “What is success? It is being able to go to bed each night with your soul at peace”
― Paulo Coelho

83. “FOCUS = Follow One Course Until Successful.”
― Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha

84. “Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.”
― Arnold H. Glasow

85. “Once you figure out what you want in life—expect nothing less.”
― Lorii Myers

86. “It’s impossible to walk through solid rock… You have to walk between the molecules that make up the rock.”
― J.M. Dattilo

87. “When your intentions are pure, so too will be your success.”
― Charles F. Glassman MD

88. “Without struggle, success has no value.”
― Aaron Lauritsen

89. “That is why enemies can be great motivators. They serve as fuel for your fire.”
― Simon Zingerman

90. “We cannot reach the pinnacle except by taking advantage of the abilities we have and acquiring those that we do not.”
― Muhammad Adb Al-Rahman Al-Arifi

91. “Big things begin with big thinking.”
― Kent Healy

92. “To become a master at any skill, it takes the total effort of your: heart, mind, and soul working together in tandem.”
― Maurice Young

93. “Success teaches us nothing; only failure teaches.”
― Hyman G. Rickover

94. “How we feel is not who we are. We might feel like failures, but as long as we are still trying, we are not failures. We are works in progress.”
― Toni Sorenson

95. “Nothing that happens to you was meant to be. The only thing about you that was meant to be is you. Blaze your own trail.”
― George Alexiou

96. “The key ingredient to any kind of happiness or success is to never give less than your best”
― Russell Simmons

97. “If your failure is not a lesson, it’s indeed a failure.”
― Ogwo David Emenike

98. “Do you wait for things to happen, or do you make them happen yourself? I believe in writing your own story.”
― Charlotte Eriksson

99. “My dreams are worthless, my plans are dust, my goals are impossible.

All are of no value unless they are followed by action.”
― Og Mandino

100. “I believe that everyone should have a dream and believe in it. Make it real, bring it to life. You’ll never regret trying. Trying is what strengthens your heart and delivers courage. Once you believe in yourself, nothing can stop you.”
― Richard Denney

101. “Do you know where your breakthrough begins? Your breakthrough begins where your excuses ends.”
― Patience Johnson

What does success mean to you?

I would love to read your thoughts, please drop them in the comment box below. Thank you 🙂

How To Tell If You’re Emotionally Intelligent

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and manage both your emotions and the emotions of others. Being emotionally intelligent is important for forming good relationships, be that in the workplace or your social life. It’s often the difference between acting in an acceptable manner and doing or saying something unreasonable.

So how can you tell if you’re emotionally intelligent? There are certain signs for which to look out.

1. You accept criticism without anger, blame or denial

Being self-aware is a sign of emotional intelligence, and this manifests itself in the ability to see your faults and accept when you’ve made a mistake. People with a high EQ (emotional intelligence) make a note of the criticism, analyse what they’ve been told and learn from it.

2. You embrace change

Emotionally intelligent people don’t fear change – they’re flexible and always happy to adapt to new circumstances.

3. You empathize

The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes is a key sign of emotional intelligence. The same goes for being able to tell when a colleague or friend is stressed or upset is a skill.

4. You think about your own reactions

Emotionally intelligent people don’t just think about how they’re making others feel but also about how their reactions will affect others. It’s important to think things through and weigh up the pros and cons of a situation before reacting strongly.

5. You don’t get offended easily

Most emotionally intelligent people aren’t overly sensitive. This is because if you feel secure in yourself and know who you are, it’s hard to be offended by what people say.

6. You don’t dwell on negative thoughts, you let mistakes go

Whether it’s a mistake you or your colleague has made, emotionally intelligent people don’t ruminate on it, they focus on the positive and move on.

7. You don’t hold grudges

Similarly, the ability to move on, forgive and forget is a sign of emotional intelligence. Letting go of a grudge makes you feel better, which is something emotionally intelligent people know.

8. You’re curious about people

Do you find yourself always asking more questions about people than most of ask you because you’re genuinely interested? If so, you may be more emotionally intelligent than most. Curiosity is highly linked to empathy.

Perhaps most important, however, emotionally intelligent people know they’re in control of their own happiness, and nothing that anyone else can say will affect that.

So what are your thoughts? Leave a reply in the comments box below 🙂


Article reference: https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/emotional-intelligence-eq-how-to-tell-if-you-a7931816.html%3famp

Here’s The Reality Of Self-Love, And Why It’s So Important

We were always told that we won’t be capable to love others if we do not learn to love ourselves first. But when you think about it, we are often taught how to love others, bend over backwards for people who wouldn’t do the same for us, and go beyond the capability of delivering love and effort for other people but not for ourselves.

We are often made to believe that it’s okay to accept the kind of love we think we deserve and never beyond that. That it’s okay to leave ourselves out from the love we so freely give away. The love that we willingly give only to have nothing left for ourselves.
We often think doing so is right until it warps our mind to thinking that self worth is not learning to love ourselves first, but learning to love other people so we could be capable of loving ourselves.

So that we may think doing more for people makes us a better person. That putting others before ourselves justifies our self worth for the amount of love and effort we put out. And while there are more factors that leads us to false sense of self love, it’s about time we change that and make it as what it should really be.

Loving yourself shouldn’t be because of anyone else and definitely shouldn’t be because you want to be able to love someone else better. We should be accepting of our flaws because the reality is that at the end of the day, the only person you truly have is yourself.

We can’t always keep thinking someone is going to be there for us at 4 am when you’re feeling the weight of the world and in need of someone to talk it out with just like you would if someone else was in your shoes. And for that we have to be stronger for ourselves.

We need to learn to pick ourselves up off the floor and continue to be a functional human being. Our body is our home, we can’t live in it peacefully if we mentally keep on destroying it.
Our self worth shouldn’t be solely based on how much satisfaction we get by overexerting effort and love.

Why can’t we learn to do that to ourselves? Why can’t we love ourselves just the same?

We should be encouraging ourselves, no matter how hard it is to be genuinely content about our well-being, that little efforts still contributes to building ourselves up for the kind of love we truly deserve. We should not lessen our standards of love. We should be expecting to be loved the way we want to be and truly deserved to be loved and not just accepting of what we think is enough and most of all, give love and still keep a little (a lot) for yourself.

You are worth more than you think you do and you should never have to feel guilty of never delivering or catering enough to other peoples need. You are what’s important and you are what you need to focus on –not other people.

Article reference: https://thoughtcatalog.com/alyssa-lexine/2016/08/heres-the-reality-of-self-love-and-why-its-important/

25 Fearless Motivational Quotes That Will Move You!

I gathered the following 25 posts from my friend on instagram (username: @dedicatio.n). These posts contain powerful quotes that have helped and motivated me to chase after my goals and dreams. Hope they have the same effect on you too!

1. Rise and grind.

2. Being broke is part of the journey but staying broke is a fucking choice.

3. In the end, what matters most is how much you really want it.

4. First you learn, then you remove the ‘L.

5. If you quit once, it becomes a habit. Never quit!!!

6. Get rich in soul, not only in wealth.

7. It’s going to be difficult but difficult is not impossible.

8. I can. I will. End of story.

9. In a relationship with my goals.

10. Push yourself because no one else is going to do it for you.

11. The best project you will work on is yourself.

12. Rule number 1: fuck what they think.

13. Be controlled or be in control.

14. I prefer my circle small.

15. If loyalty was money, I’d be a billionaire.

16. Make money. Use the money to make more money. Repeat.

17. Learn the rules, then play the game better than everyone else.

18. Don’t feel bad when I die; I’ve been dead for a long time.

19. Maybe some things are meant to be, but the timing is wrong.

20. You rise above the crowd when you stop thinking like it.

21. I don’t cry because I’m weak. I cry because I’ve been strong for too long trying to hide my tears.

22. When they can’t find anything wrong with you, they create it.

23. Betrayal makes the most sense when it comes from the one who’s connected to us by blood.

24. Me doing revenge? No, don’t worry. But yes, do panic, because karma is a bitch.

25. S U C C E S S.

Which one was your favourite quote? Leave a comment, I’d like to know 🙂

50 Powerful Quotes That Will Change Your Life…

If you refer to these quotes everyday, you will begin to manifest change into your life.

1. “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” -Zig Ziglar

2. “It always seems impossible until it is done.” -Nelson Mandela

3. “Well done is better than well said.” -Benjamin Franklin

4. “It’s always too early to quit.” -Norman Vincent Peale

5. “Do not watch the clock. Do what it does. Keep going.” -Sam Levenson

6. “I’ve failed over and over and over again. And that is why I succeed.” -Michael Jordan

7. “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” -Mark Twain

8. “Always do your best. What you plant now you will harvest later.” -Og Mandino

9. “If you can dream it, you can do it.” -Walt Disney

10. “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” -John Lennon

11. “Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” -William James

12. “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” -Abraham Lincoln

13. “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” -Soren Kierkegaard

14. “The mind is everything. What you think you become.” -Buddha

15. “I’d rather attempt to do something great and fail, than to attempt nothing and succeed.” -Robert H. Schuller

16. “What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.” -Ralph Marston

17. “There is always room at the top.” -Daniel Webster

18. “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” -George Bernard Shaw

19. “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” -Albert Einstein

20. “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” -Maya Angelou

21. “Success is going from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” -Winston Churchill

22. “The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.” -William James

23. “I am thankful to all who said no to me. It is because of them that I’m doing it myself.” -Albert Einstein

24. “Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.” -Peter Marshall

25. “The first step is you have to say that you can.” -Will Smith

26. “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” -Norman Cousins

27. “Opportunities don’t happen, you create them.” -Chris Grosser

28. “When it hurts – observe. Life is trying to teach you something.” -Anita Krizzan

29. “Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” -Robert Collier

30. “We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.” -Santosh Kalwar

31. “Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” -Jim Ryun

32. “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” -Winston Churchill

33. “Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith.” -Steve Jobs

34. “Life is growth. If we stop growing, technically and spiritually, we are as good as dead.” -Morihei Ueshiba

35. “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

36. “Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” -John R. Wooden

37. “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” -Margaret Thatcher

38. “At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.” -Steve Maraboli

39. “There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.” -Roger Staubach

40. “Times will change for the better when you change.” -Maxwell Maltz

41. “Life is available only in the present moment.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

42. “In every change, in every falling leaf there is some pain, some beauty. And that’s the way new leaves grow.” –Amit Ray

43. “Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process.” -Anne Wilson Schaef

44. “Challenges, failures, defeats and ultimately, progress, are what make your life worthwhile.” -Maxime Lagacé

45. “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.” -Charles Swindoll

46. “Our whole life is solving puzzles.” -Erno Rubik

47. “If you are happy with the person you are becoming, and you can understand that the journey is long and the processes are slow; you are on the right track no matter what your current situation is.” –Joshua Lynott

48. “Life is a continuous process of adjustment.” -Indira Gandhi

49. “Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world…if you do so, you are insulting yourself.” -Bill Gates

50. “I failed in some subjects in exam, but my friend passed in all. Now he is an engineer in Microsoft and I am the owner of Microsoft.” -Bill Gates

What is a quote that changed your life? And in what way has it changed your life? Please leave a comment below, I look forward to reading them

10 Inspirational Flower Quotes…

Read these inspirational famous flower quotes and leave a comment at the end of this post on which your favourite one is!

  • “No better way is there to learn to love Nature than to understand Art. It dignifies every flower of the field. And, the boy who sees the thing of beauty which a bird on the wing becomes when transferred to wood or canvas will probably not throw the customary stone.” -Oscar Wild

 

  • “Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature.” -Gerard De Nerval

 

  • “The fact that I can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, are to me continual spiritual exercises.” -Leo Buscaglia

 

  • “Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.” -John Harrigan

 

  • “When you take a flower in your hand and really look at it, it’s your world for the moment. I want to give that world to someone else. Most people in the city rush around so, they have no time to look at a flower. I want them to see it whether they want to or not.” -Georgia O’KeeffeWe were born to die and we die to live.

 

  • “As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven.” -Russell M. Nelson

 

  • “When you draw or paint a tree, you do not imitate the tree; you do not copy it exactly as it is, which would be mere photography. To be free to paint a tree or a flower or a sunset, you have to feel what it conveys to you: the significance, the meaning of it.” -Jiddu Krishnamurti

 

  • “The world is made up of people who never quite get into the first team and who just miss the prizes at the flower show.” -Jacob Bronowski

 

  • “Flowers grow out of dark moments.” –Corita Kent

 

  • “I crave and seek a natural explanation of all phenomena upon this earth, but the word ‘natural’ to me implies more than mere chemistry and physics. The birth of a baby and the blooming of a flower are natural events, but the laboratory methods forever fail to give us the key to the secret of either.” -John Burroughs

 

How Parents Shame Their Children…

Sometimes parents deliberately shame their children into minding without realizing the disruptive impact shame can have on the child’s sense of self. Statements such as “You should be ashamed of yourself” or “shame on you” or “you’re not good enough” are obvious examples. Yet, because these kinds of statements are overtly shaming, they are actually easier for the child to defend against than more subtle forms of shaming such as contempt, humiliation and public shaming. For example, behaviour that is acceptable at home is suddenly seen by parents as bad when they are in public. Or a parent seems to be ashamed because a child is not adhering to certain social norms that he is completely unaware of. Such comments as “stop that, you’re embarrassing me in front of everyone” not only cause a child to feel exposed, judged, and shamed, but also burden him with his parents’ shame as well.

There are many ways that parents shame their children such as belittling, blaming and disabling expectations;

  • Belittling: comments such as “you’re just a crybaby” or “other kids are better than you” are horribly humiliating to a child. When a parent makes a negative comparison between his child and another, such as, “why don’t you be like that child, they don’t cry all the time”, it is not only humiliating but also teaches a child to always compare himself with everyone around him, and find himself less worthy.

 

  • Blaming: when a child makes a mistake, such as accidentally hitting a ball through a neighbour’s window, he needs to take responsibility. But many parents go way beyond teaching the child a lesson by blaming their children: “you stupid idiot! you should have known better than to play so close to the house! now I’m going to have to pay for that window. do you think money grows on trees? I don’t have enough money to constantly be cleaning up your messes!” All this accomplishes is to shame the child to such an extent that he cannot find a way to walk away from the situation with his head held high. Blaming the child like this is like rubbing his nose in the mess he made, and it produces intolerable shame that he may be forced to deny responsibility or find ways of excusing it.

 

  • Disabling expectations: appropriate parental expectations serve as necessary guides to behaviour and are not disabling. Disabling expectations, on the other hand, involve pressuring a child to excel or perform a task, a skill, or an activity. Parents who have an inordinate need to have their children excel are likely to behave in ways that pressure a child to do more and more. According to Kaufman, when a child becomes aware of the real possibility of failing to meet parental expectations, he or she often experiences a blinding self-consciousness – the painful watching of oneself – that is very disabling. When something is expected of us in this way, attaining the goal is made harder, if not impossible. Yet, another way that parents induce shame in their children is by communicating to them that they are a disappointment. Such messages as “I can’t believe you turned out to be like this” or “I am deeply disappointed in you”, accompanied by a disapproving tone of voice and facial expression, can crush a child’s spirit.

 

Information reference: Book, ‘STRESS AND HOW TO AVOID IT’ by Dr Tom Stuttaford, pages 53-55.